I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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