True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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