I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She announced her abortion via fbk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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