I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
