i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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