Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My life is pants optional.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
