it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
