Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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