omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
