Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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