sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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