Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
