he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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