It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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