Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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