i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
