first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
