...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
