im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
