I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
