I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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