I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
