Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The beer is more important than you right now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
