tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
