Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
