Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
