Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
