I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
