Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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