I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
