I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
