Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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