I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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