The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
