He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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