I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
