she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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