Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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