we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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