i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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