He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
