I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
why is half of my head shaved?
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