I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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