Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
