please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
