why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
