Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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