I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
