So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dignity is for republicans.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
