I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
