Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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