She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
