In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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