i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to calm my uterus...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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