My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
