Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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