I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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