it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
