highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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