every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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