he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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