Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
