Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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