His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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