i think my tv is drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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