He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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