My sheets look like a crime scene.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This beer is not sobering me up at all
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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